On this weeks episode of CSI: Poop, the detectives try to figure out what caused this specific splatter pattern. I’m going to guess blunt force trauma, which caused the butthole to go loose, which led to no solid control of the spewing of shit.
If you haven’t stopped drinking since New Years then your toilet bowl is probably going to look like this. Your body probably hates you because it’s just choosing to spew hot diarrhea out instead of letting it consolidate into big, meaty logs.
Hopefully your resolution this year was to take some more quality pictures of your dumps.
If you drank a lot last night then your shit this morning will probably look something like this. A muddy, sludge diarrhea cause by alcohol is probably the worst part of drinking. Hangovers are nothing compared to a bowl full of brown water, a burnt, scorching butthole, and poop on your thumb from wiping a little too eagerly.
A nice, murky slime conceals the smaller turd from any natural predators it might encounter and allows it to remain hidden until it is ready to strike.